Tartar Sauce

Mix the following, more-or-less in order, in a bowl.

• Enough lemon zest to lightly dust the bottom of the mixing bowl


• The same amount of green onion, very finely diced


• x scoops of mayonaisse (do not use Miracle Whip, it is the devil)


• x-1 scoops of relish


• Enough Spicey Brown Mustard to give it a slight brown color while mixing


• A liberal amount of freshly-ground pepper, until the mixture is clearly speckled


• And sometimes diced bacon, if that's your thing