An Actual Conversation Between Two Middle-Aged Men, Heard In Passing.

"So, I just stayed home and watched Two and a Half Men. I could watch that all day long. Doesn't matter how many times I've seen it, I just laugh and laugh."

"Charlie Sheen was funny."

"I don't know how he screwed that up."

"How could he?"

An Actual Conversation I Overheard At the Post Office

Long line. Behind me, a boy and his mother.

BOY: When you were little, my dad was bigger than you.

MOM: No. I'm older than your dad.

BOY: But my dad is old.

MOM: Well, thanks.

BOY: When you were little, I was the grown-up and I made you sit in the corner.

MOM: Okay.

An Actual Conversation I Just Had At Sears.

The place: Sears. The purchase: The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (the original) on DVD. The price: $7.50. The conversation with the check-out girl, reproduced verbatim:

"Are you guys going to see the new Pelham?"

"No, probably not."

"Why, do you like the first one too much?"

"Not exactly."

"Do you not like the first one?"

"I like it a lot, I just haven't heard any good things about the new one."

"But it has John Travolta."

"That's part of the problem."

(overlap) "And Denzel. I don't know what you're talking about. It looks to be the summer movie of the year."

I swear to God, this actually happened.